With Age Comes Wisdom
When I decided to write a blog, I thought, "I want to be in the best shape possible when I turn 55." Health and Fitness define me. It's what I do for work, it's how I lead my life, but, that can't be it????
As I begin to consider who I am, I thought about my work, my running, my races, but, then I thought, "there must be more to me than health & fitness?"
When I die, what do I want people to remember most about me? A good workout? Ugh!
Could any one possibly know what I value in life outside of the gym or a good run? Who I am, fundamentally? Who I would take a bullet for? Or, when I would move out of the way of the bullet???? Good God, What will they say at my funeral? "She was a really nice person???"
Many year ago, When I became separated from my ex husband, I felt very disconnected. I couldn't define myself outside the 18 year relationship. My marriage defined me. One year after I got divorced, I remember talking on the phone with my mom and she said, "Kathleen, your back!" Thank god! But, wait, I thought, whose back?
At that same time, an expression "the journey continues" was introduced to me. I loved it, I connected with it!! These three words gave me such great relief.
Further down the line, I learned a continuation of the phrase "we are all on our own journey." Little did I know the value of the phrase, at the time.
Seven years later, this journey, my journey, brought me back to Colorado.
When I returned, I felt like I was home. When I was outside on a walk, I felt a connection to the earth. I listened to the birds, I watched the deer and bunnies and I felt this physical extension of family. I started to feel whole again.
This strength elevated me to the next step of self exploration - I began a spiritual journey. This part of my journey began my spiritual awakening. "Life is not all about the physical " I thought.
I remember telling a friend in Florida before returning to CO, " Florida stimulates me on the outside, but since leaving Boulder, CO, I feel empty on the inside." When I returned, the emptiness soon filled up like a water carafe slowly pouring love and peace into my sou..
My search took me on walks, back to Unity, my church, and opened the door to friendships with like minded people. These friends were at the same place in their journeys and understood the need to awaken.
I started to let the past slowly slip away like a tear slipping from my eye becoming free to return to the air.....
The message was clear: We are where we are supposed to be, every decision we have made in life has brought us here. Every difficult situation is an opportunity to learn. Opening your eyes to this gives you strength, it allows you to love, not hate.
I am who I am because of the decisions I have made. That's powerful. The onus is on me. The blame stops here....
My divorce was the ultimate test in forgiveness and the greatest gift I have received in humility....Forgiveness gave me peace and peace gave me closure.
So, some where way down the line, if you are asked to talk at my funeral, please mention that I wasn't just a "nice girl", Tell them, it's not that simple.
"She was someone who road the roller coaster of life and felt all of the roller coaster's emotions. "She arduously searched for greatness in herself and saw majical things in others. Kathleen's glass was always 1/2 full, sometimes with water, sometimes with PURIUM, sometimes with White Claw, but, most importantly, she never let another person's glass go empty.